Tomorrow is a meeting of my hospice work volunteer group (a bit like supervision), so I thought I’d ask about that today.
For a spread, I picked one that Amanda04 posted on AT today (she says it’s from the Tarot Nova fortune-telling spread sheet and has no name).
1. What’s At Hand — Free Spirit / Wandering Minstrel (Fool)
Will I feel like a fool again because I’m following my own “guiding light” in my own way? The last time, I said that I wanted to focus on a specific kind of hospice work and the woman who runs these meetings questioned my motives for that in front of the whole group. While I understand why she wanted to find out a bit more about my motivations (and actually suggested she ask me instead of assuming things), I still felt judged by her before she even asked the question, let alone heard my reply.
By the way: I’m sorry, dear readers, if these frequent references about being oh-so-different are getting on your nerves already. But it is an almost daily experience for me to feel very much unlike “the others.” You see, I’m not just into strange things like tarot and shamanism, but I’m also queer myself and partnered with a transgendered person, and I’m one of those high-IQ people — combined that makes for countless opportunities nearly every day and in nearly all circumstances to feel very, very “different” from whatever the majority is in terms of gender, sexuality, relationships, IQ, and/or spirituality…). In other words, it’s just how my life is. So if these references bore or annoy you, please just scroll past them or click away altogether since — unlike me — presumably you do have the luxury to just go elsewhere to be more comfortable.
But now let’s get back to the reading I meant to do.
2. Past Influences — Spiral Dance / Six of Fire
Today, I’m zooming in on the large foot at the right edge of the card. What kind of creature does it belong to? Looks like a big bird of prey to me (an owl perhaps?). Or maybe it is a cat’s paw? *googling images to compare* *cat paw wins*
So, there’s a mysterious intrusion, not quite visible, not entirely in the picture, but still “there”, still present. Could be referring to what I said above about the last meeting and me feeling like a “monster” due to the reaction to my request. (I had wanted to focus on visiting people who were in the final phase of dying instead of visiting people who could very well live another five years. Have you ever tried to explain why you wanted to be with the dying rather than with the living? Let me assure you, you will feel like a monster at some point, no matter how good your intentions are…)
3. Ponder This — Spirit of Change / Rebirth (Death)
The baby looks much older than it actually is, which makes me think that the woman who runs the hospice service may have a hard time with my seemingly inappropriate “maturity” when it comes to my volunteer work. I haven’t even completed the training, yet, but I’m already asking for something that even many experienced hospice volunteers find very difficult. It seems as if I come across as asychronous within myself. I’ll keep that idea in mind for the meeting tomorrow. I think she may also want to be a bit more of a teacher to me instead of an equal.
Of course, this is also about death as such here, which is why I believe I might benefit from pondering the main topic of my volunteer work some more. After all, it is a difficult thing to handle for many of us, and the woman may be wondering about my seriousness/trustworthiness if she perceives me as too eager to be around dying people. (The issue of trustworthiness is further underlined by the Magician-like appearance of the wizard here.)
Finally, this could also point to a chance for a new start between the two of us.
4. What To Do — The Trickster / Page of Air
I take this bird to be a raven, despite its very un-raven-like shape (but Raven is indeed a trickster in several First Nations cultures/mythologies from the Pacific Northwest to Siberia, so I’ll go with the card title here). The role of a trickster is to break rules and conventions, which usually leads to positive results (sometimes for everyone but them). They are also big on shapeshifting (including gender changes).
Maybe I can turn my oddness (as indicated by the Free Spirit) into such a role so that it will contribute to positive outcomes? At the very least this tells me to stay true to myself and not conform to any rules that don’t feel right to me.
Okay, any other reflections on this reading will have to wait — I’m too tired to make much sense anymore today. I have a feeling that I’ve meandered away from my initial focus again, resulting in making this not exactly my best post or reading, but I’ll publish it nonetheless.