Marina, who blogs over at Saturness, and I recently decided to exchange readings with each other, mostly to break up our habits of posting only readings for ourselves. That means, she will read for me and post that reading on her blog (I’ll let you know when she does so). This is my reading for her, which I did five days ago (I sent it to her privately first). I’m also including her feedback (green and indented) after every paragraph to give you an idea how the reading resonated with her. I’m posting all of this with her permission, of course.
Marina wanted to know about a recent rather dramatic event in her life that concerned her love life.
How can Marina best deal with the current situation concerning her love life and move towards healing from it?
I adapted the spread positions from a spread called “Healing Journey Spread” (created by DarkElectric on Aeclectic Tarot) but made up my own layout for them.
Here’s my feedback. For some reason I feel your reading has shown a lot of a what I went through the last week which was… pretty much hell in earth to me.
1. The situation — Four of Cups
Most of all, you just don’t know… Something isn’t right. What you thought was solid has turned out to be empty. It’s weird game and you don’t know the rules. The peace of your home has been disturbed.
There is also an opportunity for renewal but you’re in no position to even notice it just yet.
Yes, exactly. I no longer know what was true and what wasn’t. Things changed so fast, I feel cheated not simply because the other person found someone else, but because of the way they let me know of it. For them, it was a quick thing. For me, a long process of staring at my broken dreams, accepting that nothing can be done and using all my strength to continue my life.
Honestly, it’s hard to see light at the end of the tunnel right now.
2. Where you are right now — Five of Pentacles
This looks like a scene from the same party, but a different room. You feel embarrassed/ashamed and would like to hide away. There’s a conflict but you’re not facing it right now. It looks as if you’ve lost your grounding. Maybe you feel you saw something you shouldn’t have and now you’re not quite sure how to handle the situation. At any rate, you’re busy beating yourself up and avoiding the whole thing. There is a possibility that things aren’t as you think they are (the couple in the background could be dancing instead of arguing). A closer and direct look might help clarify that.
That’s how I was last week, yes. Trying to come with solution, until I had to realize… it’s out of hands right now. A relationship is made of two and one of the parties… fell in love with someone else. Nothing can be done. I am no longer part of this party and it hurts. Right now I feel ashamed for my attempts of fixing things when obviously there was nothing I could do anymore. I am really trying to stop beating myself up, trying to understand I did the best I could in the circumstances I was living.
3. Inner focus for healing (attitude, mindset) — The Emperor
You need to give yourself something to stabilize you. You may have to “fake it until you make it,” that is, you may have to act like you’re self-assured, strong, and in control of your own life until you suddenly find that you truly are. Stay right where you are and let things move past you (like the train in the background).
If that kind of imagery works for you: root yourself into the ground and draw up strength from the Earth.
You need security right now, so find a spot that feels secure for you and stay there for the time being. Let the storm pass and hold on tight to that pole.
I have been trying to do that… I wasn’t very successful last week, but I hope to manage better this one. I did find comfort in my mother’s company, who has been my ‘roots’ in the moments I feel like I am about to fall into despair again. I have this huge empty space in my heart, can’t eat well nor sleep well, but… I still wake up every morning and do what I must. “Fake it until you make it” may have to become my new rule for the time being.
4. Outer focus for healing (actions, outside support) — Five of Wands
Yes, you’ll have to work for your healing. The good thing is, that means you have a say in how things proceed. Yes, something disruptive happened that you didn’t choose, and it hurt, and maybe it destroyed your garden of hopes and dreams. But lava is actually a fantastic fertilizer, so you’ll be able to regrow your garden, one step at a time. This may not yet be the right time for planting new seeds, but it’s also not the time to remain paralyzed by the theoretical possibility that the volcano will erupt again. Sure, it might. But it’s also possible that it will remain dormant for a long, long time to come.
Basically, I think this is telling you that love means risking something every single time. Love is something you have to take care of, put your energy into, and choose to do so again and again and again. There are no guarantees that your heart won’t be broken again – unless you refuse to ever open it up again. Which IS a choice you have. But that choice also means that there won’t be a garden to feed and delight you. Still, YOU get to choose when and to whom you’re going to open your heart the next time.
Finally, this is also telling you that there is support for you out there. You don’t have to do this alone.
And yes, I am very thankful for the support of my closest friends during these days, who love me no matter what.
5. Turning point — Nine of Swords
I’m not entirely sure what this is about. Someone is comforting you but they also try to backstab you. To me, it looks like a complicated web of human relations, where nothing really is as it seems. Maybe the seeming backstabber is actually truly comforting you, possibly in a harsh way, but still. I believe there will be a point when someone (could be yourself) will tell you some harsh truths about your own role in the situation. This could be an act of “tough love” because it gives you the final kick in the butt to get out of that dark hole.
It could represent my mother. She has been the one delivering the ‘harsh truths’, specially when I am getting close to despair. This has been both incredibly painful and very helpful…
6. The next phase — Ten of Swords
Argh, what a card to end this on! It looks desperate, the sword is falling and it’s too late to change anything now. Or is it? It depends. It’s alright to suffer and grieve and wail and cry and all of that. But eventually, you need to stop that. Either by hitting rock bottom and then struggling up from there. Which might just be what it takes. Or by realizing that the situation doesn’t leave you as helpless and without options as you tell yourself. F*ck ripping up that dress and get out of there already! Throw yourself out of the way of the falling sword! But get the hell moving! At any rate, there will be an END to this eventually.
I don’t know what to say about this card. Right now, I want an end to my pain, but it hurt to think of an “end” of my connection to that person… because I still love him. Of course, eventually I’ll have to climb out of the hole, I have no idea when this will happen…
7. So, what’s the light at the end of the tunnel? — Six of Pentacles
You’ll come away from the storm successfully and stronger than you were before. It will actually be an opportunity for you even though you can’t see it from where you are now.
I hope you are right. :-) Right now everything is just too bleak and painful but I am trying to become stronger and better day after day, even if just a little bit… right now it feels like an unfair suffering, but perhaps the dots will connect someday.
I very much hope this is useful to you in some way! If there is anything I can clarify for you, please don’t hesitate to ask!
Thank you for the reading! It’s a bit of a rough one, I was hoping a bunch of love and stars card would appear… but we all know this is not how it goes. No Star can show up in the state I am in right now. In any case, you reading was accurate on many points, although I hope my ending can be better than a 10 of Swords!
Thank you, Marina, for the opportunity and the permission to share this reading and your feedback on my blog!