I was granted permission to post this reading I did for a friend yesterday. I’ve exchanged a few readings with her over the years we’ve known each other. This was her question:
Can you (one more time …..) read about my exceptionally troubled relationship with my sister? I don’t think I can develop a proper relationship between us (we’ve had over 50 years and still haven’t managed it), but I’d like to learn how to live with the pain that her absence causes, and how I cope with seeing her train wreck of a life without stressing myself silly about it?
Let me start by saying that I don’t remember any details of the last reading I did for you on the relationship with your sister (which must have been quite a while ago), so this is practically a “new” question for me in terms of this reading (I tend to forget readings very quickly independent of who got them – which probably helps me to avoid inserting my own opinions, even though it may sound a bit harsh at first).
I decided to just draw three cards and see what they tell me. No spread, no LWB, no previous reading with the deck this week.
Three of Wands – Nine of Swords – Ten of Wands
The predominant color is blue, with some purple/pink. The other colors are brown, gray, and little bits of yellow. But there is fire underneath the gray rock of the left card, and a light yellow spirit rises from it. I see that as your warm emotions for your sister, your desire for a better relationship, even if you believe there’s no hope for actually achieving it. But no matter how destructively the elephant bull stomps around, he can’t extinguish that fire. The idea(l) of a better relationship keeps popping up like a dandelion between concrete blocks.
At the same time, the warmth coming up from the fire may be what enrages the elephant further because it’s not helping with his wish to be stone, to not feel it. I associate this with your sister because your question has me believe you’re the one whose wish for a better relationship is the greater one (or you just took more steps trying to make that happen). Is it possible that she finds your attempts at turning warmly towards her disrupting of whatever story she is telling herself about the world in general and your family in particular?
Also, they say that elephants don’t forget, so we’re dealing with some old, old stuff here. Since it’s an elephant bull, could your father (or other male authority figure in your family constellation) be part of what lies at the bottom of your conflict?
Let’s look at the right card now. Interestingly, it also shows an animal that looks like animated rocks moving towards the middle card. This time it’s a huge fish-island with trees on its back. Three little figures sit on top of it, and one of them is holding the reins to direct the fish. I’m thinking of Finnish or Norwegian lakesides here, and I’ve also seen rocks like that in Canada – I associate peace and happiness with them. The figures seem like gnomes/elves/pixies (not sure of the right term) to me. I’m wondering if there is another sibling except the two of you because the middle figure looks so “half-baked,” not quite as present as the other two? I’m also associating this with your childhood, which emphasizes what I said earlier about this being really old stuff.
Compared to the angry elephant who rages against being woken up from his numbness/rigor, the fish seems happy to have come alive and to be moving. The energy here is curious, maybe a bit adventurous, cheerful, and optimistic. I believe this card represents your own attitude/personality. You’d rather move an entire mountain than getting stuck in a place that doesn’t feel right to you. I also believe you have kept your optimism and hope for better times, even if things are developing very slowly.
The middle card shows a portrait of a young man, which is dissolving at the bottom and turning into a demonic face. This makes me think that much of the conflict is about images you two have of each other. Have you been required to keep up a facade (maybe of the family when you were growing up?) when things were “melting down” on the inside? I also see disappointment and maybe also fear because the nice young man is turning into a demon here – could that be how you perceive your sister? The portrait is facing the right card, so I believe this is mostly about your perception rather than hers.
Someone is shining a spotlight onto the melting portrait, which I take to mean that it’s illuminating (exposing?) things that have stayed hidden before. Your sister clearly isn’t liking that much, but for you have a need to see what’s actually there, as opposed to what you want to see.
At the same time, I’m not sure the demon is even real. Meaning, I’m not sure your sister really is what she appears to be these days (the “trainwreck life” you mentioned). Could this be just a distortion of her “true” personality, perhaps as an attempt to protect herself from further pain? I’m not saying she’s not lashing out and being destructive. Just that her personality may be different from her actions. Can you tell if she still means well, even if she goes about it completely ass-backwards?
But you were asking about how to cope better with the situation. Parts of the answer may be in what I said earlier about separating the person and her actions (I’m reminded how a friend used that image recently when she spoke about forgiveness). Maybe it might be a good time to examine your own idea(l)s of what exactly makes “a proper relationship” between sisters. Where do your ideals come from? Does your sister even agree with them? Are there parts of them that are painful to either/both of you?
For me, the foundation of this whole conflict seems buried in your family’s past (at least as far as your own childhood/youth, maybe much further back to ancestors of yours). It’s something to do with image and imagination, putting up fronts and what’s behind them, secrets leaking out – stuff like that.
I believe you may benefit from understanding more about why it’s (currently?) so impossible for the two of you to have the relationship you wish you had. I also believe that you may have to go back into the past to find the “lever” to move your own “world.” If things are moving, however, they are going to do so very slowly. At least on your side.
And finally, you may find that the best thing you can do for both of you is to keep a safe distance. You don’t want the elephant go ripping out the trees from the fish’s back. Are there any good times the two of you had together? If so, can you focus on having had them instead of not having them now? If not, who else could give you the feeling of sisterhood you miss so much?
Sheesh, that was a big stream of words! Quite a change from the rather curt and to-the-point readings I got from the last two decks with non-scenic pips… I also admit I was surprised how much went into what to me felt like analysis of the status quo and some of its possible causes rather than into perspectives for the future. I also can’t quite shake the feeling that there’s more but I wasn’t able to see it clearly enough to put it into words.
I hope there’s still something useful in here for you! I’m happy to clarify or re-do the reading if this isn’t helpful. :)