Tag Archives: silicon dawn

Looking back on five months of “decks of the week”

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For my 100th public post on this blog I’m going to look back on the “deck of the week” project that was the reason I started blogging here again pretty much exactly five months ago. So far, I have used 21 decks in 22 weeks (17 of them have been tarots, the remaining four were oracles, one of which was a non-card oracle). I think this is totally worth a toast!

Those have been 22 very different weeks in terms of my tarot-related activities.

Sometimes, I did a lot of readings in one week, like with the Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA, Waking the Wild Spirit, or Deviant Moon (unfortunately, I can’t show you most of the readings here so you just have to believe me). The one thing I’ve stopped pretty soon is doing daily draws/readings. I just don’t have that many questions. As a result I currently don’t participate in exchanges all that much, and I also don’t read much for myself. I’m also doubting that readings are as interesting to the readers of this blog as they are for me (and hopefully my sitters). I may eventually go on to borrow the idea of Tarot Bonkers to read in second person or the one of Sharyn’s daily draws with more or less “impersonal” associations (and an interesting quote). Or I may try and read for fictional/historic characters that are somewhat well-known like Satu did a while ago (I especially liked the ones for Eve and Voldemort).

In other weeks I felt more like contemplating a certain aspect of the deck as a whole (e.g. gender in the Deviant Moon, flora and fauna in Waking the Wild Spirit, Hubble space telescope photos that have been used in the Quantum, the Classic suits, or relationships between men during the Renaissance inspired by the Da Vinci Enigma). That has always been fun, especially since all of these studies happened because I suddenly got curious about something…

In yet other weeks I’ve done experiments or exercises with the respective deck (e.g. rearrange furniture and write a Halloween story with the Margarete Petersen, read about Star Trek episodes with the Balbi, do a reverse tarot reading with the Songs for the Journey Home, try out unusual reading methods with the Da Vinci Enigma, chat away with the Silicon Dawn). I’ve also enjoyed those a lot, mainly because I like trying new things. I’ve come across several other great ideas for future experiments on other people’s tarot blogs, so I may use a few of them eventually.

Sometimes I read a lot of background material (like with the Discordian Deck and a little with the Da Vinci Enigma), and sometimes I read nothing but the cards. Often, I just explored individual cards and decks on the side while I was doing a reading (usually for myself). I’m aware that combined readings/card reflections aren’t the best way to present insights, so this is another aspect of this blog that may benefit from some changes.

And sometimes I just blinged the hell out of a card or two (Deviant Moon, Thoth [not a “deck of the week” yet], International Icon Tarot). I’m sure there will be other candidates for that approach.

I was surprised to discover that I wasn’t as happy as I thought when I had the chance to reconnect with old favorites (e.g. Housewives, Ironwing). This led me to the decision to focus mostly on my (nearly) unused decks in my selections for this project. I was also surprised – once again – how well I could read with non-scenic pips (Balbi, Classic, Oswald Wirth, and also the Discordian Deck), and how much I enjoyed that. Finally, I was surprised by how much I liked decks that I felt hesitant about at first (Balbi, Discordian), and how right I was about thinking I’d enjoy others (Key to the Kingdom cards, Silicon Dawn).

I once used two decks in one week (Discordian, Fantastic Menagerie) because I feared one of them (the Discordian) wouldn’t read well enough for me, but quickly noticed that not only had I erred in my assessment of this deck, I also didn’t have the time to look at two decks in just one little week. I also used one deck for three weeks (Silicon Dawn) because I had been looking forward to exploring it during my holidays and then extended the exploration for the entire duration of my time off work. I don’t plan to repeat this with another deck, but the Silicon Dawn was definitely worth it.

The main “trick” for me with this project was not to allow myself to use a different deck just because I don’t like the one I’ve picked for the week (exceptions were my short interlude with the Story Cubes, going back to the tarot deck of the previous week to fulfill an exchange agreement that I couldn’t do with an oracle, or one reading with an erotic deck for an exchange where only those decks were allowed). I found that I can get along with nearly every deck for a week (the Celtic Wisdom Sticks  were the disastrous exception, closely followed by the mess of the Northern Shadows – but I still stuck with each them until the week was over).

I have decided to let go of four of the decks I’ve used (Waking the Wild Spirit, Quantum, Celtic Wisdom Sticks, Tarot of Northern Shadows). I most regret not clicking at all with the Northern Shadows, but pretty pictures really don’t make up for incredibly sloppy research and egomania. I’m actually really glad that I managed to pick some decks for the trade/sale list since I don’t consider myself a collector for collecting’s sake. My idea still is to have a library of working decks, and I’d rather have a small one of tried and tested ones than an ever-extending one of decks I barely get out in a year. I have also acquired seven new tarots/oracles (most of them from fellow Aeclectic members) since I started the project, three of which I’ve already used.

The most-clicked post (excluding the Pagan Blog Project ones) was Bling the Deviant Moon! and the least-clicked one was Why “Deck of the Week”?. The Deviant Moon is one of the most searched-for decks, closely followed by the Margarete Petersen. Most people come here by way of a Google image search, but I hope that some of them also stay around for some of the text.

So far, the project has been totally worthwhile. It kept me using my decks and it made me explore new ones that I hadn’t used before. A week seems a good time to get at least a basic idea of a deck and its compatibility with me, so I’ll stick to that schedule. Anything less would be stressful, and anything more would make me procrastinate because there’d always be next week… Since I’m easily bored, a good deal of variety is key to sticking with something for an extended period of time. I’ve found a lot of interesting things to do with a tarot (or oracle) deck, and I’m sure I won’t run out of ideas anytime soon.

I also have a question or two for you readers (feel free to answer any or all of them):

  • What kinds of tarot/oracle posts on this blog do you like best? Why? (Excluding the ones for the Pagan Blog Project, because those are a completely different category of writing for me.)
  • How do you feel about the posts from the “reading” category, especially the ones that aren’t also “experiments”? Do you like them? Why (not)?
  • Would you like to see some other kind of tarot or oracle-related posts that I haven’t written so far? (I’m not saying I’ll fulfill any wishes but you may just inspire me!)

Please feel free to add any other comments you’d like to make about this project and my way of blogging about it. I’m very curious! I’d also like to get a better idea of your interests and preferences so I can better judge what of my writing is of public interest and what is better kept behind the scenes. After all, I don’t want to bore you!

And now all I have to say for today is: Good night!

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Still no new deck…

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Just in case some of you have been wondering why there hasn’t been a “New Deck” post in a while:

I’m still using the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn. I figured I’m on holidays, so I get to make exceptions like that. And since I hardly even did a reading last week, and since there are one or two readings that I believe would best be delivered to myself in the voice of that deck, I’m sticking with it for a few more days.

I might change to the next deck a bit earlier than Saturday, though. At any rate, by the weekend I’ll be back to the regular schedule of one deck for one week. After all, there still are 31 tarots decks, 10 oracle decks, and 4 non-card oracles to go… Unless I buy more.

A reading with feedback (Silicon Dawn)

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Marina, who blogs over at Saturness, and I recently decided to exchange readings with each other, mostly to break up our habits of posting only readings for ourselves. That means, she will read for me and post that reading on her blog (I’ll let you know when she does so). This is my reading for her, which I did five days ago (I sent it to her privately first). I’m also including her feedback (green and indented) after every paragraph to give you an idea how the reading resonated with her. I’m posting all of this with her permission, of course.

Marina wanted to know about a recent rather dramatic event in her life that concerned her love life.

How can Marina best deal with the current situation concerning her love life and move towards healing from it?

I adapted the spread positions from a spread called “Healing Journey Spread” (created by DarkElectric on Aeclectic Tarot) but made up my own layout for them.


——4——
1–2—–5–6 + 7
——3——

Here’s my feedback. For some reason I feel your reading has shown a lot of a what I went through the last week which was… pretty much hell in earth to me.

1. The situationFour of Cups

Most of all, you just don’t know… Something isn’t right. What you thought was solid has turned out to be empty. It’s weird game and you don’t know the rules. The peace of your home has been disturbed.
There is also an opportunity for renewal but you’re in no position to even notice it just yet.

Yes, exactly. I no longer know what was true and what wasn’t. Things changed so fast, I feel cheated not simply because the other person found someone else, but because of the way they let me know of it. For them, it was a quick thing. For me, a long process of staring at my broken dreams, accepting that nothing can be done and using all my strength to continue my life.

Honestly, it’s hard to see light at the end of the tunnel right now.

2. Where you are right nowFive of Pentacles
This looks like a scene from the same party, but a different room. You feel embarrassed/ashamed and would like to hide away. There’s a conflict but you’re not facing it right now. It looks as if you’ve lost your grounding. Maybe you feel you saw something you shouldn’t have and now you’re not quite sure how to handle the situation. At any rate, you’re busy beating yourself up and avoiding the whole thing. There is a possibility that things aren’t as you think they are (the couple in the background could be dancing instead of arguing). A closer and direct look might help clarify that.

That’s how I was last week, yes. Trying to come with solution, until I had to realize… it’s out of hands right now. A relationship is made of two and one of the parties… fell in love with someone else. Nothing can be done. I am no longer part of this party and it hurts. Right now I feel ashamed for my attempts of fixing things when obviously there was nothing I could do anymore. I am really trying to stop beating myself up, trying to understand I did the best I could in the circumstances I was living.

3. Inner focus for healing (attitude, mindset)The Emperor

You need to give yourself something to stabilize you. You may have to “fake it until you make it,” that is, you may have to act like you’re self-assured, strong, and in control of your own life until you suddenly find that you truly are. Stay right where you are and let things move past you (like the train in the background).

If that kind of imagery works for you: root yourself into the ground and draw up strength from the Earth.
You need security right now, so find a spot that feels secure for you and stay there for the time being. Let the storm pass and hold on tight to that pole.

I have been trying to do that… I wasn’t very successful last week, but I hope to manage better this one. I did find comfort in my mother’s company, who has been my ‘roots’ in the moments I feel like I am about to fall into despair again. I have this huge empty space in my heart, can’t eat well nor sleep well, but… I still wake up every morning and do what I must. “Fake it until you make it” may have to become my new rule for the time being.

4. Outer focus for healing (actions, outside support)Five of Wands

Yes, you’ll have to work for your healing. The good thing is, that means you have a say in how things proceed. Yes, something disruptive happened that you didn’t choose, and it hurt, and maybe it destroyed your garden of hopes and dreams. But lava is actually a fantastic fertilizer, so you’ll be able to regrow your garden, one step at a time. This may not yet be the right time for planting new seeds, but it’s also not the time to remain paralyzed by the theoretical possibility that the volcano will erupt again. Sure, it might. But it’s also possible that it will remain dormant for a long, long time to come.

Basically, I think this is telling you that love means risking something every single time. Love is something you have to take care of, put your energy into, and choose to do so again and again and again. There are no guarantees that your heart won’t be broken again – unless you refuse to ever open it up again. Which IS a choice you have. But that choice also means that there won’t be a garden to feed and delight you. Still, YOU get to choose when and to whom you’re going to open your heart the next time.

Finally, this is also telling you that there is support for you out there. You don’t have to do this alone.

Well, I confess this doesn’t make me feel much better, lol! I was hoping I’d be able to recover quick and find myself a piece of happiness. If the person who left me can have it, why can’t I? If he can leave me without any distress, then why I must I keep suffering like this?
But I understand what you are saying, it may take a while until I am ready to open the most tender part of myself again. It has been beaten to a pulp in the last week, and I am not too keen to allowing anyone near it for the time being. This sad person is not me. I want to overcome this, I want to be myself again…. But I won’t give my heart away so easily again, I think. A piece of my youth and innocence died last week.
 

And yes, I am very thankful for the support of my closest friends during these days, who love me no matter what.

5. Turning pointNine of Swords

I’m not entirely sure what this is about. Someone is comforting you but they also try to backstab you. To me, it looks like a complicated web of human relations, where nothing really is as it seems. Maybe the seeming backstabber is actually truly comforting you, possibly in a harsh way, but still. I believe there will be a point when someone (could be yourself) will tell you some harsh truths about your own role in the situation. This could be an act of “tough love” because it gives you the final kick in the butt to get out of that dark hole.

It could represent my mother. She has been the one delivering the ‘harsh truths’, specially when I am getting close to despair. This has been both incredibly painful and very helpful…

6. The next phaseTen of Swords

Argh, what a card to end this on! It looks desperate, the sword is falling and it’s too late to change anything now. Or is it? It depends. It’s alright to suffer and grieve and wail and cry and all of that. But eventually, you need to stop that. Either by hitting rock bottom and then struggling up from there. Which might just be what it takes. Or by realizing that the situation doesn’t leave you as helpless and without options as you tell yourself. F*ck ripping up that dress and get out of there already! Throw yourself out of the way of the falling sword! But get the hell moving! At any rate, there will be an END to this eventually.

I don’t know what to say about this card. Right now, I want an end to my pain, but it hurt to think of an “end” of my connection to that person… because I still love him. Of course, eventually I’ll have to climb out of the hole, I have no idea when this will happen…

7. So, what’s the light at the end of the tunnel?Six of Pentacles

You’ll come away from the storm successfully and stronger than you were before. It will actually be an opportunity for you even though you can’t see it from where you are now.

I hope you are right. :-) Right now everything is just too bleak and painful but I am trying to become stronger and better day after day, even if just a little bit… right now it feels like an unfair suffering, but perhaps the dots will connect someday.

I very much hope this is useful to you in some way! If there is anything I can clarify for you, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Thank you for the reading! It’s a bit of a rough one, I was hoping a bunch of love and stars card would appear… but we all know this is not how it goes. No Star can show up in the state I am in right now. In any case, you reading was accurate on many points, although I hope my ending can be better than a 10 of Swords!

Thank you, Marina, for the opportunity and the permission to share this reading and your feedback on my blog!

Birthday reading: Time to get out of that slump, baby!

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For my birthday, I made up this spread (inspired by this, this, and this one). I had a very nice, lazy, joyful day today yesterday, so I’m getting to this pretty late. But since it’s for the entire year ahead I guess that doesn’t matter all too much. I’m still using the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn.

Here’s the layout overview complete with spread positions.

—–8—–
6—9—7
3—4—5
—1–2—

1. Past influences that are ending or passing out of my life
2. Issues carried forward from last year into the new year
3. My current material state
4. My current emotional state
5. My current spiritual state
6. Challenges that will be coming into my life in the near future
7. Opportunities that will be coming into my life in the near future
8. Where I would like to be on my next birthday
9. What I need to do this year to make my dreams come true

1. Past influences that are ending or passing out of my lifeThe Magician

My gaze is first drawn to the computer keyboard in front of her, which first makes me think of my current job. I’m also spending a lot of my non-work time at my computer, but for some reason that doesn’t seem to be the focus here. Or is it? I think this is about all the worlds I find on the internet, the huge web of other people’s lives and ideas that I tap into so obsessively. Which is a wonderful thing because it creates connections between many rare creatures separated from physical touch by miles and miles and often an ocean or two. Because it helps me see the world through other peoples eyes, helps me learn patience and holding my tongue – or speaking up in carefully chosen words. And it’s also terrible because it sometimes renders me nearly bodiless, all mind and heart but no meat to hold it all together and put it into living, breathing, stumbling action. It’s easy to be elegant in cyberspace.

I’m still hanging onto my internet habit for now but at the same time I wish I wouldn’t find it so hard to be disconnected. Maybe it’s time to find and build and strengthen my connections in offline spaces.

2. Issues carried forward from last year into the new yearThe Fool (0.2)

And see how elegantly I trip myself up again? But hey, there’s a camera, so I better give my best. Which reminds me of my ability to be silly and to exaggerate and to make myself look ridiculous on purpose (can you see the Sybill Trelawney-role connection?). I’ve found that people don’t often appreciate that kind of humor in an office context. But I still do it every now and then, if only to remind myself not to take that job so seriously.

I’m not sure I’m able to truly and fully embrace my failures like the Fool here, but I find it comforting that she’ll come with me into the next year of my life. I believe it’s good to have some kind of trickster-fool-clown energy in my life.

(By the way, the companion book says the Magician is the trickster figure here. I still believe they both have aspects of it.)

3. My current material stateFive of Wands

It looks as if I’ve just started to grow something and now that damn volcano is about to erupt all over my veggie patch. But maybe I can fill up that crack for now? And who is that who’s holding up that stick horizontally above my head? Is that some strange kind of dowsing stick? (The three little dangly things remind me of a tool I own, which has similar dangly bits hanging from it, but I’m not quite sure how it fits into this image.)

Well, as far as I can tell, I’m probably the one who’ll be causing the eruption once I hand in my notice at work. For now I’m financially secure (I even just got a raise!) but I will pull the plug on myself sometime soon. And then I’ll be living off my provisions for a while. However, I trust they will last even longer than they need to.

(And yes, I’m thinking about tattoos again. It’s about time I find a new image to put into my skin. You’ll only understand this bit if you know what the varnish layer shows.)

4. My current emotional stateEight of Cups

It’s way past midnight and I’m still awake even though the party is definitely over. Apparently I needed to make really, really sure there was nothing left for me to miss out on (except sleep). It’s not quite clear if it was a fun party or if I just stayed until the end hoping it would eventually become fun. At any rate, it’s time to move on now. Sleep. Rest. Then tidy up and get on with life.

I’d say this also refers to my dissatisfaction with my job. It’s just not very fulfilling, and I’ve tried. Really, I’ve tried.

Now that I’ve slept on it, I would like to add that my emotional dissatisfaction covers more than just the area of work. There is a lack of something, or maybe an imbalance in what I’ve “ingested” emotionally. The solution is the same, however: move on and look for what’s missing elsewhere (which for me mostly means in another kind of framework thse days).

This is also the second casually and non-erotically topless female in a row. Not sure what that’s supposed to tell me.

5. My current spiritual stateThe Lovers

I love that there are three figures in this card, none of which seems to be more in focus than the other ones (i.e. not the traditional Marseille or RWS version of a Lovers card, no duality or binary, and no default monogamy). A perfect triangle-circle, and – much to my delight – a really nice and subtle gender twist hidden in the varnish layer. Venus, Mars, and Mercury – female, male, and transgender/intersex/genderqueer? It’s very rare (and if memory serves, unprecedented) for me to see my life and loves depicted truthfully in a Lovers card (it’s not exactly how I would illustrate my own shade of queerness but the image still says something fundamentally true about it, more so than any other Lovers card I can remember just now).

Then there’s color: RGB (red, green, blue), layers of light that create white when added in full intensity to each other. Since I am both an occasional painter and the child of a man who worked in the wallpaper industry, I’m much more used to thinking in terms of material color (such as paint or ink) and a color model where all three primary colors together create almost-black), so this is another great stretch of the way I make sense of the world for me.

And it’s true, my spirituality doesn’t work in binaries or dualities. I’m always more interested in the colors, the gray areas, the inbetween, the fence, the edge, the third space, both-and or neither-nor instead of either-or. I was about to say that I’m currently circling around, searching for my spiritual “center” but just now I’m thinking that maybe this is my spiritual center after all: non-duality. Hm…

6. Challenges that will be coming into my life in the near futureChevalier of Cups

This tells me about the need to balance my cheerful, social, optimistic side with my need to be alone and dive deep into the octopus’s garden on the back of a bell-eyed octopus. Perhaps I need to create my own tank that provides life support for when there’s no time to dive really deep and come back up in time.

And just because I thought of the song, here’s the Muppet version: In an Octopus’s Garden and here’s the German Sesame Street version I grew up with: Sesamstraße: Im Garten eines Kraken. And here’s a mind-blowingly fascinating article about octopi that I found via the Pirate Borealis blog a while ago.

7. Opportunities that will be coming into my life in the near futureNinety-Nine of Cups

These girls sure have fun but for how long? Even the most wonderful thing gets boring after the umpteenth repetition. But wait, this is the card with the code in the companion book… I’m not quite a programmer myself but I work closely enough to the IT department that I can at least read some of the code written there. And I’ve taught myself some basic SQL query skills so I’ve developed more of an idea about the magic of code. Finally a place where perfectionism is useful! And where I get pretty clear and instant feedback about whether my code worked or not.

Automation. Finding a way to do the boring stuff faster and more efficiently so that there’s more time for the fun parts. Also: check the effect of a change every time, and only change one thing at a time.

This could also refer to a computer-related opportunity (or two) that has already arrived in my life in theory but that I may put into practice later this year. Or it may just refer to the need to create a new framework for those kinds of things that do need repeating over and over again. Because they might just be a ritual and not just a necessary waste of time.

8. Where I would like to be on my next birthday –Chevalier of (VOID)

I imagine the person has just come out of the water and is now walking towards a place to stay for the night (and possibly longer). And there is the phoenix-like burning feather again, which according to the companion book is really(?) a sword – but what use is a sword that is bent like that?

It’s true, I would like to have my life change in a fundamental way. I would like to redesign/rebuild my income-earning and my work (which isn’t necessarily the same) pretty much from scratch. Of course I’ll be able to draw on my experiences but I’ll have to give up being employed in one tidy full-time job. Which is a pretty drastic change. Or maybe it’s not and only seems that way because I’m still wearing the glasses of “normality” here.

At any rate, I need to get my butt in gear or nothing will happen. And this is where some of Egypt’s text comes in:

But where there is no fire, there is no ambition. And no ambition means no accomplishment. Go back home and watch some television; it might distract you from the emptiness inside.

Riffle through the pack and pull out another card. This one’s a fraud. Oh, just put the whole thing away. There’s nothing to see here. Nothing to learn. No secrets hidden anywhere, just a crazy lady blowing smoke up your ass. Sorry, you wasted your money on a bunch of pretty pictures. Go buy into whatever neurosis the advertisers are trying to sell you instead. It’s bleak but at least it’s safe.

This card is lies and giving up hope.

I believe this is another example of layers of voices that I’ve noticed earlier in the Silicon Dawn deck. The first sentence is simply true, and I have indeed been struggling with a lack of fire for quite a while now (I’m still at it). But what follows after that is just plain fireless, hopeless self-talk. It may feel true but it’s not really the truth. And that’s where the lies and the giving up of hope come in. They’re not in the card/reality, but in the story I/we tell ourselves about it. In reality, there is a glorious redorangepurplepink sunset at the beach in this card, a person full of potential (not even gender is a fixed given), and a sense of having a home to return to once the spectacle is over and it gets cold all of a sudden.

So, yes, I would like to lose that lack of fire and the depressing/depressive thought patterns that seem to come with it.

9. What I need to do this year to make my dreams come trueChevalier of Pentacles

An third Chevalier! Did I just mention I wanted more fire? (The Chevaliers are associated with fire in the Silicon Dawn, just like they are in the Thoth deck.) Here I get double fire that should be enough to put some color back into the Chevalier of (VOID). A fire-breathing dragon rising from a huge fire and thick clouds of smoke. A superhero-esque woman throwing a fireball (is she a sister of the crystal ball-throwing Sybill Trelawney to whom I linked already earlier in this post?). A red-haired girl grinning smugly as she hands over a credit card.

Clearly, I need to take action. And this is where pentacles as fire make a whole lot of sense to me, because action needs to be rooted in materiality at some point or it’s nothing but virtual bubbles (cf. The Magician). I need to get away from what’s “killing” me and my fire. I need to aim, focus, and release energy to set things in motion towards my goal. And I need to take care of the price I’m required to pay for it (which can’t be too high judging by the satisfied grin on her face).

(There’s also some stuff about a thirteenth zodiac sign in the companion book but I’m way too tired to wrap my head around that one now.)

All in all I’m noticing that there are quite a few Cups cards, most of which aren’t all too cheerful. Therefore the three fiery Chevaliers make a lot of sense as a counterbalance, even if one of them is also a Cups card.

By the way, I haven’t added pictures for all of the varnish details. For one, these cards are notoriously hard to photograph properly in a way that shows at least some of them, but I also believe that I shouldn’t give all of the deck’s secrets away. Some really have to be discovered by yourselves – or left undiscovered if you’re not fascinated enough by that area of exploration. Either of which is fine.

Four parts of one day

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My day today will happen in four easily distinguishable parts, all of which are interesting in some way. So I’m asking the Silicon Dawn what I need to know about these four parts.

MorningThe Fool (0.1)

Looks like I’ll be spending quite some time on the internet, and it’s likely to be more than I initially intended (as it often the case with me and the internet). Because the internet has no end, and I like to finish things.

It’s also true that I’m “pregnant” (and I usually wouldn’t use that particular metaphor if the picture didn’t force it onto me) with a whole kindergarden of ideas. I think they’re at least septuplets (fraternal ones).

And research is one of my favorite strategies to avoid doing stuff. Until I accidentally fall over the edge of a cliff (oops! I didn’t notice it was that close already!) and have to improvise. Fortunately I’m not only a perfectionist but also really good at improvising.

Oh, and I do have a tendency to be a bit shortsighted. Even attempting to plan any long-term stuff often makes me stop thinking properly altogether. But I do have a telescope with me, because I still like taking a small peek at the far-away every now and then. You see, telescopes limit your vision sideways (on all sides), so it’s not quite as overwhelming.

Finally, I already had an inspiration for one of my little septuplet projects and I took a first step towards it. And it’s not even 11 o’clock (thank my neighbor for ringing my bell a good two hours before I had planned to get up).

Early afternoonKing of Swords

I’ll be meeting up with a sort-of friend later. I’m a bit surprised to see this card come up here for that meeting because I perceive my friend as a highly emotional person. But then he also obsessively analyzes his emotional life, so a Swords card may be more suitable than I initially thought.

This guy (the one on the card) is figuring out where to go, making complicated calculations. I get a feeling that this isn’t a flight just for the fun of it but that he also carries some kind of weapon (a bomb?). The red button just emphasizes that aspect. I may have to act as some kind of calming and grounding influence.

Or maybe we will hatch plans together, seeing that we have something in common we both want to do in the foreseeable future (foreseeable even for me, cf. The Fool 0.1).

EveningNinety-Nine of Pentacles

Goodness, what an explosion of energy! I’m not that kind of a gamer (I only do point and click adventures where I don’t have to keep track of life energy, battle power, and how many healing potions I still have compared to how many monsters to defeat – or talk into cooperation), but I still understand that ninety-nine times 1up is a whole fricking lot of power. Could make you invincible. Or burnt-out. Or even bored because very soon there will be no one left to challenge you because it’s no fun when you know you don’t even have an off chance of winning. And fun is important!

Since there will be a group meeting this evening, I’m now expecting some unexpected (how’s that for a paradox?) burst of energy. At the same time, I’ll watch myself to make sure I’m not over-powering anyone else, should that energy and power be mine.

Here’s what Egypt Urnash initially said about the 99s:

If 9 is ‘perfection’ in the numerology of the Tarots I used, 99 is ‘too much perfection’. So much it becomes something else.
I’ve tried to take these silly concepts and treat them with some seriousness. What does the video game concept of “an extra life” mean in the real world? It’s a second chance. It’s a suggestion that what you think is total defeat is just a setback.
[…]
The 99s are a reminder that while a lot of things about interpersonal relationships haven’t changed since the Tarot was first invented, some things about the world they’re embedded in have. We have the same old fights in the magical new media congealing on the Internet. We have new traps to fall into – how many friends do you have who are avoiding their depression by counting levels in WoW or some other online RPG? But we also have new metaphors coming from these new trades and tools; we can extend ourselves in surprising ways.

There’s good stuff in that quote. Today, “too much perfection” to me means totally overdoing the perfectionism in a totally unimportant area, which leads to something that is definitely not perfect – because at some point you end up with something devoid of all life.

I also like the idea of a second chance, and the relief you feel when you notice you just got one (but also tension because you don’t want to fuck up things again, cf. The Fool 0.1).

I may have to get back to you about this one – after all, it’s a group and as such I have no idea what everyone will bring to the table and what will happen with that once we meet.

NightChevalier of (VOID)

A double sunset and someone walking away from the sea. Fingerprints from me on the glossy parts of the picture. And a feather that is being dropped (is it burning?).

The blackness fits with the time of day, and I feel comfortable in the solitude of that card. It feels meditative, but also a bit sad. An ending. But the maybe-burning feather also reminds me of phoenixes and being reborn – if nothing else, then the next morning.

While the fingerprints suggest I may leave some temporary traces, this won’t be a hugely productive night. Instead, it will be a time for quiet reflection. Sounds good to me!

After reading the text from the companion book for this card, I also have to say that I just can’t see the complete hopelessness and emptiness in the (VOID) cards that Egypt Urnash describes. Because these cards aren’t empty at all if you look at them right. And maybe sometimes we need to disappear a little, or rather, give up our illusion of being separate from the rest of this world and just merge with it. I’m not saying I’m good at that, mind you, but it doesn’t seem like something horrible to me (my ego, however, would beg to differ).

Again, the Silicon Dawn offers layers and layers of meaning and propels me into philosophy/spirituality land at the most unexpected points. I like!

P.S. I’ll upload pictures later. Ran out of time to do that just now!

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Edited to add:

It’s after “evening” now and I’ve just returned home. I’m adding the pictures I promised now, and I can already give myself feedback (that’s the one really good thing about draws for the day).

Morning was pretty much as I described. I didn’t exactly waste time but I also wasn’t the most efficient. But then I’m on a holiday, so efficiency isn’t the #1 priority for me just now. Around noon I also realized that the Fool’s pregnancy also means she’s not quite ready to give birth, so I’m totally fine with not having finished anything (except, sort of, this post).

My friend was indeed in analyzing mode when we met in the early afternoon. And after some initial annoyedness with him because he once again just launched into what is going on for him at the moment before we had even sat down (to be fair: I often do that as well, in my way, so I can’t seriously point my finger here) we eventually had a really interesting exchange of thoughts. Not at all unemotional but still very think-y (which is a combination I enjoy a lot). I also just notice that I was feeling quite calm and grounded most of the time. I even managed to put some of my own muddled stuff into words as I tried to explain a few things to him, which helped me understand myself a bit better.

And yes, my evening did bring an unexpected eruption. We did a group perception exercise and suddenly we were talking about the proverbial elephant that had been standing around in the living-room all the time, noticed by everyone but never quite addressed. As I so often do with these elephants, I was the one to describe my perception of the situation more bluntly than the others. I have to admit, though, that I went a bit overboard and only realized afterwards that I had “hit” another group member harder than I intended to. When I realized that, I apologized and added some balance to my original judgment, but I could still see the damage was done. And when I realized that I had done exactly what the cards had warned me not to do, I secretly kicked myself in the butt for my failure to put two and two together early enough. (I don’t regret having said something but I do regret my harshness. This one time, the harshness really hadn’t been my job, and I still delivered it because that’s what I usually do.) Oh well. I hope it will all seem less dramatic once everybody has slept on it.

Now it is night and I’m pretty wiped out. I had planned to do a reading for someone, but I think I’ll postpone that until tomorrow. Instead, I will do a small tour of my main internet stops, and then I will go to bed early. Following from the previous card the subtle phonenix theme of this one lets me be optimistic that there won’t be any lasting damage to either the group or the person as a result of my actions.